Things have changed

I now do hate him. The whole reason he decided he wanted a divorce is because he met someone else and in his mind, announcing the marriage was over cleared him to screw his whore.

Good times.

It hurts

Jim and I are going to separate. God I'm so lost. Tuesday is our 14 year anniversary. We don't hate each other, we've just grown apart. Well, I've grown. He's the same exact person I met 18 years ago.

I think it would be easier if I didn't still love him. If I hated him. It hurts so much right now. I can't stop crying.

Damn Dog

I hate my dog. Really. I am NOT an animal person. Yet, I am cursed with both a dog and a cat.

The dog. A pomeranian. "Oh, they are so cute." Yeah, until their fur is all long and mangy and the shit is stuck to their ass. Real cute.

Anyway, I hate my dog. Shaunna had soccer practice tonight. So Jim, the little ones and I had dinner. Then he left to get Shaunna and I called my sister. While I was in the bedroom talking to her, Mr. Shit-stuck-to-his-ass-fur climbed onto the dining room table and ate what was supposed to be Shaunna's dinner. I guess she's getting McDonald's tonight.

Damn dog.

I'm tired

Very very tired. Of being a mom, of working, of being a wife, of cleaning the house. I'm tired of my life. What the hell were we thinking? Married and a mom at 21. Then, having another child at 31 and yet another at 33. I will never be free. I will always be wiping up shit, or snot, or tears, or broken hearts.

I want to be free.

So, let's get back into the swing of things...

It has been so long since I've blogged. And I'm finally missing it. Things have been mediocre at best around here.

The new job is okay. Of course, I'm thinking that it's no longer "new" since I've been there for 6 months already. I am a bookkeeper at a wholesale distributor of bowling products. The Accounts Receivable Bookkeeper quit in September (yeah!!) and the new girl who was hired quit after just 2 weeks (yeah!!!) Of course, this just means that I have more work to do, and a lot of shit is getting behind. The job itself is not terribly satisfying, but it is a paycheck.

The kids are doing good. Shaunna will be 13 in just 3 days. (Of which she is kind enough to remind us EVERYDAY snce October 1st.)

JJ has grown up and matured so much in just the last 6 months. I took him and Bekah to the Trolley Museum when Jim and Shaunna were on vacation a few weeks back. We rode the trains for 6 hours. We had lunch in the Dining Car Restaurant. Not once did I want to kill him or want to run screaming away from him. Or put him up for adoption. In fact, he now plays quietly at Shaunna's soccer games (as long as we bring his Bobcat or trucks). No stripping nekkid and running down the sidelines. (I know, I know, who can believe that I look back on that episode and smile!)

Bekah turned a year old in August. She's finally walking and she's still nursing. I can't believe that I made it to over a year of nursing. I struggled so much with Shaunna and JJ, I really thought I would never be able to nurse this long. But that's a whole 'nother post.

Jim and I are barely getting along. Things have been tight financially, which always puts a huge strain on our marriage. But, we just filed our taxes (damn extensions) so we should be a little better off in a few weeks. And maybe I won't be so panicked about running out of oil and not being able to buy more. If fact, we just started weatherproofing the house, something we should have done when we moved in, but better late than never.

That's it for now. Maybe I'll get into the deeper stuff soon.

My daughter is now a blogger

Yup. She blogs about what horrible parents Jim and I are. Makes me feel all warm and fuzzy. Want to read it? My screwed up life . Yup, warm and fuzzy.

Holy Shit

I have a lot of visitors. I just checked my counter and there are a lot of you that are visiting this tired, old, not-updated blog. Damn. You guys need a life. Or I need to start blogging so some of you will leave comments.

Of course, I am too tired and bored to blog right now. So go find an interesting blog and leave some comments there. 'Cause none of you leave any here. Bastards.

I'm still here.

Just haven't had the time (or really felt like) blogging.

Hi.